I've been launched back into my Indian reality. Yesterday was my first day back at school in a month, and it felt good, but strange to be back doing the same things that I did a month ago. It was almost like I had never been away from it all, and yet I was! I got to do SO many cool things while I was out of school too!
This morning and yesterday, I rode in the van once again along the bumpy narrow streets that were familiar in a vague way, and reached the school at the normal, early time where there are only a few students around campus and it's easy to sit on one of the ledges and just relax in the quiet morning air with some girlfriends. When school started we had our usual assembly and all stood in our usual lines, but somehow, since I've been back for the last two days, school seems so much different. Different in a good way because I finally feel like I know what my schedule will (most likely) be, and I'm starting to even be able to understand what's being taught in class (where before I just sat there being frustrated because I couldn't understand what the heck was going on!)! Today I could do all the math problems in class even! Also, I think that there has been a big change for me socially. Since I went on the two day trip to Kerala with the twelfth grade, I've become a lot closer with the girls in those classes, and I find that I'm always drifting into that hallway at every chance I get to see my friends! I feel comfortable, almost, and it's a really good feeling to know that I'm going to school every day and I'll be able to see my new friends and be happy all the time because honestly, before it was really hard for me to get up and go to school every morning because of how frustrating everything (and everyone) was for me.
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Wow! It sounds like you've really gotten over a huge hump and are truly settled in now. You're on a roll!
Sure, it doesn't mean that ALL hard times are over — you're in India, after all!!!! — but I think you're now reaping the rewards of all your huge efforts. (I am sooo proud of you!)
I know the feeling of making peace with India — the noticing, for the first time, that the stress and confusion and chaos have stopped being quite so stressful, confusing and chaotic.
Then, what used to seem just impossible to tolerate for one more minute (!!!) begins to feel (gasp!) pretty normal. And tolerable. And doable. And, eventually, even charming and amusing. And then, maybe downright endearing.
You're on the first step of that path now — the "it seems so normal" part. The remaining steps to where I now stand — loving India, not in spite of what it is, but BECAUSE of what it is — are waaaay easier than that huge first step.
Don't be alarmed, however, if you have moments when you get angry at the whole *&%#+*! country. Now and then, I do, too. And then something truly wonderful will suddenly, unexpectedly happen — and I'll love India all over again, even more.
Have fun!
Sara
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